


All The Wrong Choices

by hollowsbest



Series: Consequences [3]
Category: Original Work, The Weathervane Journal
Genre: (in passing) - Freeform, Character Study, Gen, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, The Want To Be Better (But Failing)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:34:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27912355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollowsbest/pseuds/hollowsbest
Summary: Jasper contemplates her decisions during case file #092016, The Museum of Another Place, where she and her team were scattered through time and space and she nearly caused a friend to go down a similar path she did.
Series: Consequences [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2043850





	All The Wrong Choices

**Author's Note:**

> the third ficlet! jasper :< she needs to work to forgive herself, but with how she considers what she's done, it's not something that'll come naturally!!  
> 

You feel as if you’re slowly being eaten, parts of yourself slowly being stripped away despite how you so desperately try to cling to them. Your guilt. Your mistakes. They’re slowly chewing through what once was, the woman who you used to be. Who was always so _sure_ , always so _confident_. You feel so very lackluster in comparison.

You can’t keep making mistakes. You’re not the sort of person who _can_ make them, can’t afford to. You’ve got people _depending_ on you, on your decisions, on your words, on your actions. You nearly got them all _killed_ , or worse, Forsaken; all because of your inability to leave things the fuck _alone_. JD’s exhaustion, and Rory’s desperation is etched into your mind. Her angry words linger, your own thoughts snarled for all to hear.

How you nearly caused Sylvie to go through something near enough to the crushing, absolute loss of who you are. You’re disgusted with yourself, when you think back to that moment, you can barely believe the words that came out of your mouth.

It was never for yourself though, you were near certain you intended to lose your game. JD, and Milo however, never deserved to suffer for your idiocy. _You_ however, considering the amount of harm you’ve caused and the suffering you’ve brought about… It may be better if you just... Stopped. You were never going to take someone’s chance at _escaping_ away from them. You aren’t better or deserve to live more than them. You’re tempted to consider what you would’ve truly chosen in the end, to wonder if you would’ve...

But that chance is gone now, and you won’t dwell more on it.

You’d sounded strong, in the moment you’d like to think. Denying that _**rock**_ in what it wanted you to do, in where it wanted to take you. But, you _wanted_ to know, so so very badly of the possibilities. The timelines where you didn’t fuck everything up. The ones where you didn’t lose yourself and consume countless souls. Places where the Open Maw would never get a chance to touch. You half regret not taking the offer, your hunger to _know_ never abating. It was all your fault, and you _need_ to know that there are versions of you that made the correct choices. ~~(And if there are, you know you would be deeply insanely jealous of the lack of guilt weighing on her.)~~

You’ve apologised, said your sorries and made your promises that you intend to keep to your dying breath. You foolishly, selfishly, hope you’ll be forgiven. Yet you know you’re not worth forgiveness.

You know India’s worried, you can tell by the way she holds you at night, and the little glances she thinks you don’t see. You don’t- _Can’t_ , worry her further. She doesn’t deserve that. You need to be better. You _need_ to be better. You must be **better** , else you’ll kill them all in your folly.


End file.
